Use this time to express when your needs have changed. For example, you might say, “I feel as though I need some more time to myself” or “I would love it if we could spend more time together without the kids. ” You can talk about marital and family matters on a frequent basis. You might talk about bills on a monthly basis or chat when your child hits major milestones. If sex is an issue, you might check-in once a week.

Don’t accuse, blame, or call your husband names. Instead, use “I” statements to help make your point less accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “why can’t you ever wash the dishes,” you might say, “I feel frustrated sometimes when I come home, and the house is still dirty. Would you mind washing the dishes after you use them?” These issues don’t just have to be about your husband either. If you had a bad day at work or if you’re annoyed about something, tell him. This can encourage him to cheer you up or help you through it.

For example, you might say, “Thank you so much for picking up the groceries!” or “I’m so proud of you for getting that raise. " If you asked your husband to do something, don’t forget to thank him afterwards. This will help encourage him to continue contributing.

Allow your husband to go out with friends and socialize without you. Express interest in his friends, but don’t interrogate him about who he is hanging out with. Do not track your husband’s phone calls, social media accounts, or emails. Allow him to maintain his private life, and trust that he will tell you when something important comes up. At the same time, make sure that your husband respects your privacy. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries or to ask for time alone. Watch out for being codependent. It’s important that you have your own friends and hobbies outside of your relationship, as well. If you find yourself constantly tracking your husband, consider getting professional help from a therapist. [6] X Research source

For example, instead of saying “you need to fix the door this weekend,” you might say, “do you think you could take care of the door this weekend?” If he says no, work out a solution that works for both of you. For example, offer to pick up the necessary tools for him or ask if he would rather hire a handyman. Emphasize why you need his help as well. For example, you might say, “I have a meeting after work today, so I won’t be able to cook dinner. Can you handle it tonight?” If your husband asks you for help or to do something for him, don’t forget to come through on it. Both of you should assist the other when needed.

Your husband should show gratitude to you for the things that you do. He should ask respectfully when he needs something and respect your privacy. If he doesn’t, you should ask him specifically to respect you in these ways. A marriage counselor can help in this regard. The counselor can teach you healthy communication practices in a safe space.

If you have children, hire a baby sitter for the night. You can also try going on dates during the weekend days when your child is at a friend’s house or with another family member.

For example, you might go rock climbing or join a kickball team. Try taking a class together to learn a new skill. You could do pottery or cooking. You can include children in some of these experiences to make it a family activity. For example, go on a hike together, rent some canoes at a lake, or try a ropes course.

Remember to continue creating healthy friendships as well. This will give you things to do and people to talk to outside of your marriage. You can even go out with your friends without your husband. If your husband doesn’t share some interests with you, you should still pursue them. Try painting, gardening, running, or another activity. Remember to encourage your husband to do the same. Let your husband go out with his friends or spend time focusing on his interests. This will enforce healthy boundaries in your relationship.

For example, instead of saying, “You never pay attention to me,” you might say, “I get so lonely all day. When I come home, I need you to talk and cuddle with me. " Starting sentences with “I” or “We” can help make your husband feel more comfortable.

Show that you’re listening by repeating back what your husband is saying to you. For example, you might say, “What I am hearing is that you want more excitement in our relationship. ” If your husband won’t open up easily, tell him that you won’t get angry. Encourage him to open up to you. For example, you might say, “If something is bothering you, I want to know. I won’t be offended, I promise. ”

For example, if you’re arguing about spending, you might each get a budget to spend on yourselves each month. Each of you will have to stay within this limit. Compromise means that you both have to sacrifice something. For example, your husband may want to visit his family, but you may not get along with them. As a compromise, you might go with him but ask that you both stay in a hotel room instead of at the family home.

Be sincere. Admit what you did wrong. You might say, “I am sorry I yelled at you this morning. I’ll try to be calmer in the future. " If your husband apologizes to you, be sure to accept the apology. You can say, “Thank you. I appreciate the apology, and I forgive you. "

You don’t need to be struggling in your marriage to see a counselor. In fact, seeing a counselor once a year to check in may help improve an already strong relationship. If your husband refuses to go to marriage counseling, some therapists will see spouses individually. You can ask your doctor or a therapist for a referral to a counselor. Some religious houses of worship will also offer marriage counseling.

There is no magic number for how much sex will make your relationship strong. The important thing is that both you and your husband are happy with it.

Your husband should also initiate touch with you. If he won’t, try asking directly for more contact, such as hugs or cuddles. If this doesn’t work, you may need to consult a marriage counselor.

Your husband and you can even plan special activities for that night, such as a date, intimate games, or role play. Make sure that you both agree on the schedule. Remind each other, if needed!

Give your husband instructions during sex as well. These can help provide mutual pleasure for both you and your husband. Your husband may suggest new positions and activities too. If you’re uncomfortable with 1 of your husband’s suggestions, talk it out with him. Tell him why you don’t want to do it.