In contrast, if you have an external locus of control, you feel as though things just happen to you, you are a victim of your circumstances, and you don’t feel as though you have much agency in your life to deal with challenging events. An easy example is to imagine you have been in a car accident, no one is hurt, and you and the other driver are both at fault. If you are oriented in having an internal locus of control, you will accept the situation, have confidence you will be able to deal with the consequences, and feel that, even though this is a challenging situation, you will be able to handle it. If your locus of control is external, your thoughts may be a long the lines of, “Why does this always happen to me? Nothing ever goes my way. I always mess everything up. The world is out to get me, no matter what I do. ”
Understanding what your beliefs are and your ability to handle adversity will help illuminate where to begin changing your attitudes towards life in a more positive, empowered way.
For example, people often stress about school and work performance. For example, write down, “If I fail this test, I am a loser and I am stupid. The test was probably unfair and I don’t have enough time to study. I can’t do this. " These are all statements that relieve you of any responsibility of the actual outcome of the test. This will help you access your feelings and start to change them.
For example, you could write about a test, “I didn’t study as much as I could because I went to the movies, and that’s okay. I didn’t do as well as I wanted to, but next time I will do better. I know that I could have done better because I am capable of better study habits and time management. I’m only human, and sometimes I make mistakes. There will be more tests, it’s not the end of the world. I can talk to the professor to see if there is anything else I can do to help my grade. ”
Take responsibility for how you treat yourself and how you talk to yourself. Feeling like you deserve to change your life for the better will create positive change in your life. For example, you dropped a plate and broke it. Instead of thinking, “I am such a clumsy idiot!”, start to change the toxic patterns and write down positive re-framing thoughts in your journal. You aren’t a clumsy idiot, you are a person who sometimes drops plates. Even in that simple statement, you are shifting the responsibility from being a helpless clumsy idiot that can’t help but break plates, to a human being that isn’t always perfect and makes mistakes. You are not as powerless as you may feel. [6] X Research source
For example, write about how you showed up at school to take the test even though you failed it. Sometimes just showing up takes courage. Courage is not an easy talent and having it does not mean that you don’t fear things. It just means you know you have the power to face your fears and deal with life. Try getting creative. Make a collage about how brave you are, write a poem about courage, or make a poster about all of your courageous attributes.
You cannot change life, you cannot predict life, and often the best laid plans can always fall through. However, you can change yourself and how you view life events[8] X Research source
This test is freely available online. [9] X Research source
Don’t restrict yourself! Write freely about anything large or small that you like about yourself. Do you like your hair? Your fingers? Do you like your voice or the way you speak? Do you like your sense of style? You are a whole human comprised of many parts that you perceive about yourself. Surprise yourself with how complex you really are and dig deep to reveal the many facets of yourself that you truly admire. Creating positive change in your life means finding the person you really are and honoring that person.
Don’t be too hard on yourself as you journal. Avoid using black and white or extreme statements like, “I’m stupid” or “I never do anything right”. Keep your focus on being a human who is not perfect and makes mistakes. Try to think about personality traits, such as being less shy, having more control over your temper, being more organized, or becoming a better listener. Everyone is flawed, and part of the strive to make changes for a better life is looking at yourself and your personality as a work in progress. [11] X Research source
At the end of the day, journal about your experience and how well you did. Where there times you were successful? Where there events where you did not listen as well as you could? Journal about how it feels to start changing facets of your personality. Start slow because you don’t want to overwhelm yourself by trying to change all at once or expecting perfection. Stay positive that it will happen. The more proactive you feel about creating a more grounded, fulfilled self, the more motivated you will be to continue to change your life for the better. [12] X Research source
If you feel as though you could benefit from counseling, find a counselor that you feel comfortable with. If you feel overwhelmed by becoming more aware of yourself, your choices, and your emotions, you may want to seek out a therapist. Changing your life on a meaningful level is a challenging journey, and being strong also means knowing when you can benefit from guidance and help. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Only you know what you want your life to be and only you have the power to make choices to create change in your life for the better.
If you smoke, try to quit. It is bad for your health and the health of those around you. Incorporate things into your routine that will help you quit, such as nicotine patches, gums, lozenges, vapor cigarettes, or support groups.
These can be small or gradual changes if you are not ready to change all at once. Do what feels right for you. [14] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Your environment does have an effect on your overall well being and can be a creative outlet to express the change you are feeling towards your life. Try becoming more eco-friendly or reducing your carbon footprint. Use less electricity by turning off lights, use less water in the shower, or try to be less wasteful in your living spaces. Start a recycle bin in your house or carpool to work. This is an easy way that you can improve your living conditions but also help the environment as well.
Volunteering to help a cause you believe in is a great way to boost your self worth and strengthen your feelings of empowerment, since you are actively involved in helping others. [16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Going out of your comfort zone and getting a change of scenery can really help if you’re feeling stuck or stagnant in your life. [17] X Expert Source Nicolette Tura, MAAuthentic Living Expert Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.
Nurturing your sense of self will help you develop motivation to continue to strive to change your life for the better.
If you want to be something different, get educated about what you really want to do, and make steps in the direction you want to go. This will take time, so go slow and make solid, financially smart decisions. Remember, using your short term goals while you strive for change can ease the time it takes to create long term positive change. [19] X Trustworthy Source World Health Organization Health information and news provided by the World Health Organization Go to source
Trust yourself and your ambition. Make smart, researched decisions about your future and how more education will help you achieve these goals.
Don’t make hasty decisions about the people in your life. Think through each decision and how each relationship makes you feel. If you are trying to change you life, you need people that will support you and empower you to be who you want to be. Focus on cultivating these kinds of relationships. [21] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Get as much information as you can as far as cost of living, job availability, consequences on your life or family, and the stress of moving to a new place before you make a final decision. [22] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Be proud of yourself for even attempting to change your life for the better. Life is hard, and becoming proactive in who you are and what you are capable of takes strength.
If you want, talk about the changes you feel in yourself with your friends and let them give you advice or support.
If you are also stressed, treat yourself to a massage or ask someone you love to give you a massage.
