For example, let’s say that a guy friend has just gotten off stage after bombing at the talent show. If might at first seem like a good idea to lift his spirits with a fake compliment like, “Wow! That was amazing! Great job!” However, since he probably knows that he didn’t do well, this may make him feel even worse. In this case, it’s probably best to go with a sincere option like “Hey, don’t worry. You’ll nail it next time. " Study of the brain shows that we use the patterns and stresses of speech to distinguish white lies from truth more so than non-spoken cues. If you’re not being sincere, the guy will hear it in your voice. [1] X Research source
At solemn occasions (funerals, memorials, etc. ) After he’s just been embarrassed When his jealous significant other is around When he’s concentrating on something difficult It’s worth being aware that some guys can get embarrassed if they receive a compliment (especially a romantic one) when they’re in front of their friends. In this case, since the guy is worried about saving face in front of his buddies, your compliment may have the opposite effect as you intended.
Long strings of compliments can sometimes give the impression that you have an obsession or crush on the person you’re complimenting. Even if this is true, try to avoid it! For example, consider which of the following is likely to win your crush’s affection: “Hey, Dave, you look great! Have you been working out?” or “Hey, Dave, you look great! Have you been working out? I noticed that your biceps looked a little bigger. They go really well with your smile. You have fantastic teeth, by the way. They’re almost as white as the paint on your car, which, in my opinion, was a really smart color choice. . . " American compliments tend to be considerably shorter than other cultures. [3] X Research source Length of a proper compliment varies by culture. [4] X Research source
Movies: “You have great taste in films. From now on, we’re having movie night at your house!” Music: “Hey, awesome shirt, man! That band rules. " Art: “That poster on your wall? Classic! Where do you find this stuff?” Literature: “Hey, you have this book!? That’s one of my favorites! Much respect. " Philosophy: “Wow, I never thought about things that way. You have some really great ideas. "
Research suggests that when both men and women give compliments to men, they favor compliments of skill. [7] X Research source For example, if your guy friend is working hard to teach himself guitar but struggling, you might want to make him feel good by complimenting him after one of his impromptu performances: “Wow! I’ve never heard “Wonderwall” played like that before. I like how rough and heartfelt you made it sound. "
Courage is a quality that is considered becoming of men. Studies show that complimenting these culturally scripted gender performances are essential to male friendship. [8] X Research source [9] X Research source [10] X Research source For instance, if a guy recently had to deliver an important speech and you know that he usually has a difficult time with public speaking, you may want to offer a compliment like, “Congratulations on your big speech! I heard your Remember the Titans analogy really killed. "
For example, if a guy recently decided to accept a scholarship to pursue his passion of studying Polynesian art history, you might compliment him (and simultaneously reassure him) by focusing on the intelligence of his choice: “Wow. You’re really taking the opportunity to chase your dream. Don’t worry — I know it’ll pan out for you. " Research on students shows that confidence impacts decisions of gendered persistence in academics. [12] X Research source
Usually, the best way to compliment a guy’s sense of humor is simply to laugh (with honest, genuine laughter) at what he says! If you’d like to, you can add your own small verbal compliments in between laughs, but this isn’t necessary. You might try focusing on the way the humor makes you feel, like this: “Ha! Man, I really needed that laugh. Your Dane Cook impression always gets me. " Research suggests that complimenting a man’s sense of humor does not generally cause a female partner to perceive the compliment as a relationship threat. [13] X Research source
For example, if your guy friend is helping you with homework, you could simply say, “Wow, you’re so smart,” but there are more imaginative ways to say this that won’t make you look like you’re throwing up your hands and submitting to his superior intelligence. A better choice might be something like, “Wow, you really understand this material. I guess geometry isn’t for squares after all!” In some places, intelligence is more highly valued in men than physical attractiveness. It can be an indicator of social status and earning potential. [14] X Research source
Research shows that women are much more likely to compliment men and other women on their appearance versus other attributes. [15] X Research source [16] X Research source The way you compliment a guy’s appearance can also substantially change the meaning of the compliment. For example, if you’re complimenting a platonic guy friend, it’s probably best to keep things light with comments like, “You have crazy eyes! There’s a million different colors in there!” On the other hand, comments like, “Your eyes are like twin oceans. . . I feel like I could get lost in them” are probably best left for romance novels or people you’re already very close to. Be aware that it may make their partner feel insecure. Studies show that women are much more likely to feel threatened when someone compliments their male partner’s physical appearance. [17] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
Take note that men may not appreciate compliments on their fashion. Because it may violate gender norms for a man to care about being fashionable, he may take it the wrong way. By not accepting this kind of compliment, he could be trying to save face. [18] X Research source Compliments that reinforce gender stereotypes can cause bad relationships. Research shows that these comments can be depersonalizing. [19] X Research source For example, if your guy friend just got a new haircut but is still a little embarrassed to show it off, you might say something like, “Whoa, check out your new look! Frosted tips will never go out of fashion. " At the same time, this could embarrass him.
Complimenting a man’s level of health can be a good way to avoid making them seem less manly. Health is something most people have to work hard for. Compliments about their body can be redirected in this way to subtly say, “You worked hard. ” For example, if you notice that the guy is no longer winded after climbing up flights of stairs, say, “Hey, you got a lot better at that! I’m still wheezing!”
Objectification happens when you take a person’s appearance as representation of their whole being. This is especially when these attributes should be irrelevant to the situation. [20] X Research source Though sparing a guy’s feelings should be enough of a reason not to objectify him, there’s another reason you shouldn’t do it that’s more immediate: you can get in trouble. In fact, if your creepy come-ons or unwanted compliments are severe enough, they can constitute harassment, which is a major offense at school or in the workplace and lead to serious repercussions. [21] X Trustworthy Source US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission U. S. government agency that enforces civil rights in the workplace Go to source
This advice is especially true if other people are present — while it may sometimes be OK to bring up personal topics in one-on-one settings, you’ll almost never want to do it in front of his friends. Taboo compliments will vary from place to place. It can be considered offensive to compliment a man on his wife. [22] X Research source
Here’s an example of a backhanded compliment: “Hey, did you get a new shirt? It makes you look thinner. " It may seem like you’re complimenting him, but you’re also saying he normally looks fat. Research suggests that people are more likely to take these expressions as backhanded when they perceive the person giving the compliment has some insight into what is normal. [23] X Research source
His appearance has recently changed (e. g. , he has recently lost a lot of weight in a short time) You haven’t seen him in a long time and aren’t sure how his life has changed You don’t know his relationship status You aren’t sure how he feels about current events (e. g. in the field of politics, etc. )
