Don’t use sarcasm. Being sarcastic or otherwise mean to your parents will quickly derail the conversation. [2] X Research source Remain calm, and don’t get mad. Not only will this help you have a longer, more in-depth conversation, it will show your parents that you are capable of maturity, which can go a long way in trying to earn more independence. [3] X Research source Let your parents finish what they have to say, and don’t interrupt them. When it’s your turn to talk, ask them to be respectful and allow you to speak without being interrupted. [4] X Research source The best way to improve a relationship with anyone is to try and understand and connect with why they think and feel the way they do. If you don’t know, ask!
Ask your parents if you can invite your friend over to your house for dinner with the family. Let them know that you’re not trying to disrespect them or their wishes, but that you feel like meeting your friend might relieve some of their fears or concerns. [6] X Research source Encourage your friend to be on his or her best behavior. Ask your friend to use pleasantries that your parents will appreciate, like asking, “Hello, how are you?” or saying, “You have a beautiful home. “[7] X Research source Facilitate a conversation between your parents and your friend to help your family see why that friendship is important to you. If your friend is creative/artistic or has some other talents, bring it up during dinner, and ask your friend to tell your parents about any projects or creative endeavors. [8] X Research source Offer to let your parents meet your friend’s parents. They might be able to talk as one adult to another, and may find some understanding that wouldn’t come from a parent/child conversation.
Ask a relative outside your immediate family to help you talk to your parents. If no one in your family would be a good fit for this role, consider asking a guidance counselor or social worker at school. [10] X Research source
If your parents forbid you to see a friend, try talking to them about their concerns. You’ve probably had some kind of conversation about it before, but ask them to address what specifically they are worried about. Try to calm those fears or concerns as best you can. [12] X Research source Don’t sneak around behind your parents’ backs if they’ve forbidden you from seeing a friend. It’s frustrating and it may not seem fair, but going against your parents’ demands will further strain your relationship with them, and they may end up revoking certain liberties or independence that they were previously giving you. [13] X Research source
Take a deep breath and consider your words before you speak. This will help you remain calm and will prevent you from saying something you don’t actually mean (and may regret later).
Try to be an active listener. Don’t just plan what you’re going to say. If your parents are trying to tell you something about your partner, try to listen actively and acknowledge what they are saying. [16] X Research source Let your parents speak their minds, and don’t interrupt them. When it’s your turn to talk, ask them to be respectful and allow you to speak without being interrupted. [17] X Research source Respond to your parents’ concerns with calm, clear, and respectful responses. Ask them to respond to you in the same way. [18] X Research source Be assertive about how you would hope to see things change, but try to be as respectful as you can.
Ask your partner to be on his/her best behavior, and encourage your partner to be as polite as possible to your parents. Encourage your parents to be polite to your partner as well. [20] X Research source Facilitate a conversation that lets your parents see what you find interesting and likable about your partner. Ask your partner to tell your parents about things he is interested in, and see if they can find some common ground. [21] X Research source
Keeping your relationship a secret creates a time bomb between you and your parents. Keeping your relationship a secret is also unfair to your partner. Your secrecy might imply to your partner that you are ashamed of your relationship. [23] X Research source
Ask your parents what their specific concerns are. Then try to work out some way that would allow you to be with your partner while proving to your parents that they can trust you.
Let a prying parent know that children tend to resent prying parents, and that prying behavior can be highly damaging to a parent/child relationship. [26] X Research source
If you have a prying parent, ask him what his fears are. Ask your parent whether your behavioral history suggests that you would engage in bad behavior. Let your parent know that you would like him to trust you more.
Ask him whether he would be more or less willing to share things with you if you violated his privacy. Try to keep your parent filled in on what’s going on in your life. There is a good chance that your parent will be less intrusive if you let him in to some degree. [29] X Research source
Find little things to talk about everyday. Tell your parents how school is going, and ask them about their day at work. [31] X Research source Choose a time to talk when both you and your parents won’t be distracted with other things, like watching TV or making dinner. Long drives in the car are a good time to initiate a conversation, or after dinner when you are all relaxing together. [32] X Research source Be respectful by making eye contact and avoiding sarcastic or rude remarks during the conversation. [33] X Research source
If you are getting unwanted advice from a spouse’s parents, talk to your spouse. It’s best if your spouse addresses his or her own parents, rather than you telling them to stop. [34] X Research source Remember that unsolicited advice is, at heart, an effort at showing concern. [35] X Research source If your parents are narcissistic and intrusive, it’s important to control your expectations, as it is possible that they will never change.
Politely tell the parent that you understand he means well, but that constantly giving unsolicited advice makes you feel threatened in some ways. [36] X Research source Bring the subject up when you’re both calm and when you both have time to sit and talk. It’s hard to change another person, so you should go into the conversation without an agenda to change them. Though it’s hard, try to accept your parents as they are. There will always be a risk of hurting other people’s feelings when setting boundaries, so try to connect with why you’re doing this. You cannot control how the other person will interpret what you say, but you can control the tone with which you set the boundary.
Ask the parent to trust you and respect you enough to make your own decisions. Let him know that you share his concerns and will work toward the same goals, but that you need the freedom to do it in your own way. [37] X Research source If that’s not possible, try to at least reinforce your boundaries and what you will tolerate.
Let your parent feel validated. Listen to his concerns, and let him fully explain himself before you respond. Once a person has had the opportunity to vent, he is more likely to be willing to listen and compromise.
Offer alternatives to being pushy or overly involved. Some parents behave this way because they feel insecure about their role as parents. Suggest other ways to get involved, like taking an interest in your hobbies, or spending more time together on weekends.
Let your parents know that you understand they have your best interests at heart. Gently point out bad behavior. Even the best, most responsible parents may have moments of frustration. Many parents become pushy in the heat of the moment. [39] X Research source In these cases, the parent may not even realize that he is becoming pushy or demanding, and is probably overcome with emotion. Try saying something like, “I know you’re upset, and I completely understand. But let’s find a way to deal with this together, in a respectful manner. "
Encourage a pushy parent to let you make independent choices. This boils down to a matter of trust, and you may want to remind your parents that they will need to trust you to make your own decisions at some point in life. Remind the parent that judgment and decision-making skills need to be developed throughout life. You may want to say something like, “If you want me to be able to make my own successful decisions later in life, shouldn’t you start teaching me how to actually make my own decisions now? I need that freedom in order to learn. "
