Learn to listen better. Listening isn’t just waiting until another person is finished talking. [7] X Research source
Try to avoid sensitive or provocative topics; instead, suggest useful alternatives. If they say something to you, good or bad, just say thank you and move on. [9] X Research source Don’t argue with them all the time. Arguing with another person is what creates conflict.
If they say something mean or odd about someone you care about or love, you will probably want to stand up to them, so prepare some answers and comments ahead of time.
If you need another break, take it! Repeat as necessary. Maybe you’re trying out having a conversation where before you would have avoided it, or ignored it.
Sometimes the person will move onto another topic without skipping a beat, saving you the trouble. Giving yourself a moment allows you to think before you speak prevents you from overreacting or saying something you might later regret. [13] X Research source Have some responses worked out ahead of time to the annoying questions you know you’ll be asked.
Listening is a skill, and repeating what they say can show them not only what they said, but how it feels to hear those words. [15] X Research source
If you can, ask the person to not discuss that topic/issue, or let them know you haven’t forgotten their question and will answer when you can. If they press you, say nothing and change the topic.
Not replying is still a reply, one saying “This is too unpleasant a topic to deal with. " Walking away shows you respect yourself and that you can “live and let live. " Move on!
If you cannot avoid them entirely, just try to spend as little time as possible with them. [20] X Research source If you have to spend time with them, speak with them as little as possible. [21] X Research source
Ignoring annoying behaviors (and there are many) is a good way to rise above the crowd and not to engage, even if they are annoying you. [23] X Research source [24] X Research source
Go into the kitchen, or a bedroom, just to get away. [25] X Research source Wear headphones. [26] X Research source Wearing headphones shows the people around you that you are not interested in talking, and that you’re really interested in your music, podcast, or whatever. [27] X Research source Read a book. Generally, even annoying people will not interrupt you when you are reading. If they do, just reply, “I’m reading something for work/school/ that’s important. "
Social buffers should be made aware of their role ahead of time. Don’t just bring one and expect them to do all the work while you hide out. [29] X Research source Social buffering should be reciprocated! [30] X Research source
Spend short amounts of time just with them alone. This might seem to be exactly the opposite thing you want to do, but your undivided attention, even in small amounts, can go a long way to diffusing annoying behavior. [32] X Research source
It’s not your purpose in life to change them, because you cannot succeed and you will waste your energy. Do incorporate love and acceptance into everything you say and do.
When you get irritated and annoyed, don’t blame them. You’re the one who cannot deal with it, and acknowledging this the first step towards taking responsibility. [36] X Research source Focus on what you can do better to be the person you want to be, no matter who you are around, or what they do or say. You’ll always come out ahead if you focus on yourself. [37] X Research source
Compassion is active, not passive, and is something you develop over time. [39] X Research source You will fail at being compassionate from time to time, but with annoying relatives, you will always get a new chance to practice compassion!
If asked for dinner, set aside two to three hours maximum. One and a half hours for lunch is sufficient. [42] X Research source If asked for a visit on the weekend, set aside three hours maximum, and try to plan an actual activity, so that you have something to do together. [43] X Research source
A little stress can help you be more aware, but too much will wreck you. Being able to calm yourself will help you respond appropriately, and you might even surprise yourself. [45] X Research source
Discuss your plans and free time, so that you know ahead of time what you will need to schedule, rent, and so on. [47] X Research source Don’t take over public spaces, spread out everywhere, or take over the bathroom or kitchen. Don’t talk on the phone loudly or listen to music in public spaces. Go outside or into a bedroom, or use your headphones. Do clean up after yourself in the bathroom and in the kitchen. If you can, offer to clean up after others too, including putting away dishes, taking out the trash, etc. [48] X Research source Do offer to run errands, pick up groceries, or take-out, to keep things running smoothly and to replace what you consume. [49] X Research source Leave them with a nice hosting gift, and definitely hand write a thank you note after your departure. [50] X Research source
It will help you be less stressed if you don’t have to juggle work when they arrive, even if you do have to work during the visit.
If they are staying at your home, ask them whether they would like to wash up or eat first, and then make that happen. Discuss your plans for the visit after they’ve been fed and/or showered, and shown to their room or hotel.
Sometimes you will be lucky enough to have a spare bedroom, but even at a hotel you can stop by and bring them some water and snacks, a bottle of wine and a wine opener, or some nice magazines that they would find interesting.
Don’t feel compelled to produce elaborate dinners to impress your family, but if you like cooking and it makes you happy, do it. Downtime is just as important, so don’t forget to include that. Plan meals or dining out alternatives that will fit everyone’s checkbook.
