Stalking may take place in-person, with someone following you, spying on you, or approaching you at your home or workplace. The following may be signs of stalking receiving unwanted gifts, being followed, receiving unwanted mail or email messages, receiving unwanted or repetitive phone calls. Stalking can also occur online, in the form of cyber-stalking or cyber-bullying. These types of contact can be difficult to prosecute, but you may be able to avoid this harassment more easily by changing your online privacy settings or email address. Any instance of cyber-stalking that then transitions into in-person stalking should be considered very serious and should be reported immediately.
Most stalkers are known as simple stalkers. These are individuals who you know that you may have had a romantic or friendly relationship in the past. The relationship ended for you, but not for the other person. Love obsession stalkers are individuals who you have never met (or very casual acquaintances) who latch onto you and think that they are in a relationship with you. People who stalk celebrities are in this category. Stalkers who have a psychotic fantasy about a relationship with their victims will often turn from unwanted attention to threats or intimidation. When this fails, they may escalate to violence. Sometimes the abuser in an abusive relationship or marriage becomes a stalker, following his ex and watching from afar, then moving closer, and eventually repeating or escalating violent attacks. This can be one of the most dangerous stalkers.
If you are being stalked online, decide whether it is likely that the stalker has any information about your real-life whereabouts. Be sure to maintain a secure online presence and never reveal your home address or even your hometown on public pages. You should trust your instincts, be cognizant of the history of the person’s behavior (if you are aware of it), and be realistic about the danger you’re in. If you truly feel like you or your family members are in danger, you should seek help at your local police or sheriff’s office or with a victim’s services organization. If you think danger is imminent, call Emergency Services immediately.
If you are being stalked online, do not respond in any way to any messages, regardless of how angry you become. Just print them for evidence and leave the computer.
Do not give your home phone number aloud to anyone in public places. If you find that you must provide a phone number, try using a work phone instead, or writing the number down then shredding it. Avoid putting your home address in writing. In cases of extreme stalking, you may want to get a PO Box for your mailing address so that it’s less likely that you will need to provide anyone with your home address. Do not share your home address or place of work online or on social media. This may give an online stalker the opportunity to find you in person.
Do not have your mail forwarded directly to your new home. Be careful when registering to vote in a new place. You can request anonymous registration. If you purchase property, your name may be on the public record as the land’s owner. Sometimes these records are tied to searchable databases, so you may want to rent to remain more anonymous.
If possible, show people a photograph of your stalker. If not, give them a detailed description. Tell people what they should do if they see the stalker with or without you being around. Should they call you? Call the police? Tell the stalker to leave?
Be sure to include any and all signs of stalking, as many police departments need to have evidence of at least 2-3 unwanted contacts before they can charge someone with stalking. Be aware that the authorities may not be able to do anything until the stalking has escalated to or near the point of threats or violence. Ask them what you should do to keep track of incidents, when and how to call for help if necessary, and if they have any tips for developing a safety plan. Call the police frequently if you feel as though they do not take your complaint seriously at first.
If you are unsure who you should tell, start with a trusted friend or family member who can likely help you find the proper authorities.
If you have children, this may be a difficult conversation to have with them, but it may save their lives. If the stalker is a member of your family, this may cause division among other family members. While this can be difficult, remember that you are protecting yourself, and the stalker is the one who is responsible for his illegal actions.
Try to avoid being alone in vulnerable situations, like walking to and from your workplace or home, particularly at night. [6] X Research source Be sure you tell a trusted friend your safety plan. You may also want to have a “check-in” plan, where if she has not heard from you by a pre-arranged time, she calls you and then the police if she can’t contact you.
When you schedule the check, ask the person with whom you schedule the appointment to give a physical description of the individual who will be performing the check on your home. Ask the person performing the check for his or her credentials when they arrive and before you let them in.
Print any electronic correspondence. Be sure that details such as date and time print as well. Keeping the items doesn’t mean that you have to look at them. Place them in a box and keep it in a high shelf in your closet or basement.
If you live in a two-party consent state, then you should not do this. You can search “Is (your state) a two party consent state?” online to find out if you live in a two party consent state.
Be sure to include dates and time. The journal could also be used to determine habitual behavior and possibly catch or avoid your stalker.
Increased frequency of contact or attempted contact Increased severity of threats Increased display of emotion or stronger words Physically closer encounters Increased contact with other friends or relatives
Consider having another person present to help protect you in case of escalation to violence and to act as a witness to the conversation. However, don’t ask your boyfriend to help you, as one or both of the men could become upset by the other’s presence. Instead, ask a friend or relative to be there for you. Try not to be too nice with your rejection. Being nice to a stalker can unwittingly encourage him, and he may try to “read between the lines” and listen to your tone rather than your words.
