Am I feeling this way because of the outcome of what I did makes me feel bad? Am I feeling this way because I am to blame for a bad outcome?
Set goals yourself for the future that help to promote a better and stronger mindset. This look into the future may help you forgive yourself in the present by focusing on the positive changes you are able to make. [5] X Research source Whenever you feel guilt, follow the words of Les Brown, “Forgive yourself for your faults and mistakes and move on. " This will help you whenever you make a mistake.
Try and fix the issues that you know you can handle and try and let the rest of it go. You do not want to keep repeating the same mistakes. [7] X Research source
One way to forgive yourself is to identify the trigger, or cause, of emotions in the first place. If you identify what you did in the first place, then you can change your outlook for the future. Ask yourself: “What did I do the first time, and what may I do to avoid the same outcome?” [9] X Research source
Do I feel anxious or guilty when I approach my boss? Do I feel strong negative emotions when I talk with my significant other. Does spending time with my parents make me feel angry or upset?
Forgiveness is a two-way street. You may not be able to forgive yourself unless you learn to forgive others. You may need to let others into your life to help give you the support and structure to forgive yourself. Talk to loved ones to support yourself while you grapple with self-forgiveness.
Declare or ask for the apology using direct language. Do not step around the issue. Say “I’m sorry” or ask “Do you forgive me?” directly. You do not want to be ambiguous or come across as insincere. Investigate how you can actually fix a solution. If you are asking forgiveness from another, figure out specific actions that can help make amends. If you are forgiving yourself, ask yourself what steps you need to take to move forward with a healthier outlook on life. Promise yourself and others that you will strive to be better in the future. An apology is empty if you will not follow through with it. Make sure you do not repeat the same mistakes.
Sometimes, clearing the air can help to resolve an existing issue. It may also help to show that you were internalizing a bigger issue than was actually present. [14] X Research source Asking for forgiveness has been proven to bring more favorable outcomes and provide stronger relationships
It may help to write down your actions that you have strong feelings about. This will help pinpoint concrete examples of why you have negative feelings about yourself.
One way to achieve this is by letting go of stress. The more stress you hold inside of you, the more damage you do to yourself. Stress can sometimes lead you to releasing your anger out and harm yourself and others around you, but if you forgive yourself the anger will be gone and the bad stuff will be gone. The result is that you are more concentrated and better about the positive instead of the negative.
You may be feeling guilty over your own thoughts. You may have thoughts of wishing pain or misfortune on others. You may feel things like lust or greed. If you are overwhelmed by these guilty feelings, know that they are common. Your guilt may stem from these strong emotions; it is best to confront them and acknowledge why you are feeling this way. Only by doing this may you move on to forgiving yourself. You may be judging yourself (or others) too harshly out of guilt. You may be taking out your feelings on yourself and others, making you feel guilty for your actions. You may blame others out of insecurities and increase the feeling of guilt. If you find yourself blaming others, take a step back and acknowledge why you say these things. It may help you on the path to self-forgiveness. You may be taking on guilt because of another’s action. It is not uncommon for a couple to feel guilt over his/her significant other’s actions. You might feel guilty over a spouse’s actions or insecurities. You should identify why you feel this way to realize if you should forgive yourself or another person. [16] X Research source
Identify both concrete needs - such as shelter, food, and social needs - and compare them with concrete wants - nicer car, bigger house, nicer body. Identifying these needs vs. wants may help you realize that perhaps you were too hard on yourself or perhaps things are out of your control. [18] X Research source
You can do this by setting a routine for a month on something you want to improve. By doing something for a month - like tracking calories - you will begin to develop a helpful routine to improvement. This will help you self-actualize forgiveness by acting in a positive way.
If you find yourself feeling guilty over procrastinating, for example, make a to-do list and try to stick with it. It is important to identify things that you can control. This will benefit self-forgiveness by self-improvement.
