If you’re currently friends, stop making the first move. Only spend time with her when she calls you; don’t call her yourself and ask to spend time together. You’ll still see each other occasionally, but in most cases you’ll see a sharp decline in the amount of time you spend together – and an increase in your personal free time.
If you buy her gifts without asking (or just because she said she wanted something), cover her tab in cafes and restaurants, offer your services as a driver, or otherwise treat her differently than you would treat any of your other friends, that is a favor and it is important that you stop. Put potential favors through a simple test. When you find yourself about to do something for the girl you are trying to get over, ask yourself if you would be so willing to do the same thing for a good male friend. If not, you are probably trying to do her an extra favor rather than just be a good friend.
If you have friends outside of your primary circle who you see less often, consider spending more time with them, as well. They’ll feel appreciated, and you will be safely occupied away from the girl you’ve fallen for.
Don’t go out of your way to choose her for a partner when partners are required. When you do work together, keep the conversation focused on the task at-hand.
For example, when the two of you are sitting together on a couch at a friend’s house, it will be hard not to focus on her. Change that to four people stuffed onto a couch playing a game together, and it becomes much easier to spread your attention around. Treat her the same way you treat your other friends, and the pressure will be off before you know it. The key is to try to see her as just another girl.
Because you are already enthusiastic about these topics, you will find it easy to talk about them when you have a captive audience – in fact, you may find it difficult to stop talking once you start.
The important thing is to avoid situations where mixed signals can enter the equation, such as cuddling together on a couch or stargazing on a country road. Remember, you want to get over her, not make things worse. Always have a backup plan to avoid this kind of “romantic” downtime.
Add to your list whenever you think of something else that fits on it. If you think of something while you are away from home, simply try to remember it. If it is important enough, you will still have it in mind by the time you get home. Don’t write it down anywhere temporary.
Write by hand rather than on a computer. Computer files get discovered too easily. Never take your writing to school or work with you. If someone finds it, you’ll have your privacy violated and only end up feeling worse.
Write out the story of your feelings, from the first time you met the object of your affection to the steps you are taking to try to move on. Write poems, substituting metaphorical stand-ins for real people and emotions. Slash a canvas with a paintbrush and let your frustration guide your hand. Get together with a friend and have a long jam session. If you are not at all creatively inclined, simply write a letter to yourself stating everything you want to say as plainly as possible, and tuck it away with your list when you are finished.
Read a book you’ve been meaning to read, or even plan to write one of your own. Visit a new club or volunteer somewhere every Saturday. By broadening your horizons, you can remind yourself that the world is vast, strange, and beautiful, and it’s never worth ignoring it all over one person.
Take some time to sit on a park bench with a friend and (quietly!) compare ratings of women who walk by on the street; check out the outfits women wear and be impressed by how many of them carefully coordinate their clothes and accessories. Just keep your mind on the multitude, rather than one girl.
Store any art you created as a direct result of processing your earlier emotions. Put it away somewhere you won’t see it unless you go looking for it. Years from now, you will be glad you kept it; for now, get it out of your sight. Consider taking your list or any other hastily-scrawled missives that you wouldn’t count as artistic endeavors and getting rid of them. Burning papers is one option; striking all names with a pen and stuffing them into bottles to be released into the ocean is another. The act of physically sending your thoughts and feelings away from you can be very therapeutic. Look for a date. When you attend social events, try meeting new girls, or girls you haven’t gotten to know very well. Go out with friends and meet their friends. If you meet a cute girl, consider asking her out to coffee right on the spot. Even if nine girls say no, the tenth could say yes, and it’s a great way to prove to yourself that there is still a lot to look forward to in your romantic life.
