Find out if it is a “little” secret or a “big” secret. This will tell you how important it is that you keep the secret. It will also tell you if you need to give the person your undivided attention while they disclose their secret (looking at your phone while having a serious talk is poor etiquette). Prepare yourself to listen to the secret, knowing if it is something that you can handle. If the secret in question could have legal consequences if you reveal it, you’ll need to be even more careful to maintain confidentiality.
Asking if it is okay to tell can help you avoid an uncomfortable situation in which the person is upset with you. If you know you will tell someone, like a spouse, be up front with that information and warn the person that you are going to tell someone else. You may want to warn them about this before they tell you the secret.
The person will appreciate your honesty and still has the option of telling you, knowing that you may tell someone else. Suggest that the person tell you the secret right before they tell other people, so you do not have to keep the secret very long. Some studies have shown that keeping a secret puts undue stress on a person. If you wish to avoid added stress, just say no to secrets. [1] X Research source
Something like a pregnancy or a surprise gift will have a natural end date. Other secrets might not have a natural ending point, and you will just have to decide when you will be ready to tell people. Try waiting a few days if you feel very emotional about the secret. You may regret telling someone immediately, and giving yourself a few days to calm down may help you make more rational decisions about when to tell people and who to tell.
If it is a “fun” secret that you’re going to surprise someone with, planning a fun way to tell will help occupy the time before you tell her. If it is a serious secret, make a plan to give yourself and the person you’re going to tell uninterrupted time alone to talk and discuss the secret.
Think about your past experiences with that person. Have they been trustworthy and discreet in the past? Be explicit about your expectations when you tell the person your secret: are they allowed to tell anyone? Who and when can they tell? Know that telling anyone opens up the possibility that the secret will get out.
Continuing to talk about something that reminds you of the secret will put it in the front of your mind and may tempt you to tell. Try to change the subject casually so that the person does not notice that you are avoiding telling her something. If necessary, find a reason to leave. Sometimes removing yourself from the conversation is the only way to keep quiet.
You may be able to pretend you don’t know by asking questions about the secret.
If the person is persistent, politely tell them to stop asking you.
Be sure you thoroughly destroy the evidence. Consider burning it (safely) or shredding it in a paper shredder. If you put it in a trash can, tear it into pieces and bury it underneath the trash. Consider putting the pieces in separate trash cans and/or taking the trash out to the curb or dumpster immediately after throwing the paper away.
Be sure you are truly in an anonymous environment.
Be sure that there is no one nearby to overhear what you are saying. Be sure your phone and computer are not connected to calls or audio chat before you speak aloud to an object. You may also consider telling a baby who cannot speak yet. You might feel like you are telling a person, but the danger of the secret getting out would be very low.
Again, be sure that there is no one nearby to overhear what you are saying.
If you are keeping a secret about another person, try telling a third party who doesn’t know the original person. If you do tell someone, be sure they understand that the matter is a secret and they should not tell anyone. Know that telling anyone opens up the possibility that the secret will get out, and that people may find out it was you who told.
If someone is harming or has harmed themselves or another person, you may need to report it. If someone is involved in criminal activity and tells you about it, you might be held legally responsible for not reporting the action.
Ask if your “reward” for keeping the secret can be getting to tell someone yourself when the time is right. Whatever you do, do NOT text the secret to anyone because then they have proof that YOU told them. Tell the person in person. Depending on the secret, you may not want to tell other people that you knew before they did. This may hurt the feelings of the person’s close friends or family.
If you are considering telling a secret, write down a list of pros and cons to telling. [4] X Trustworthy Source National Alliance on Mental Illness Grassroots mental health-focused organization providing resources, support, and education for those affected by mental illness Go to source This can help you make a well-reasoned decision.
