Most public libraries offer computers with internet access to community members. This could be a good place to start. You may want to get a prepaid cellular phone. This could come in handy while looking for help and later, when you actually leave. You could also use a friend or neighbor’s computer or phone. If necessary, make an excuse such as your own computer or phone being broken.
In the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233(SAFE) Men in the US can contact The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women In the UK: Women’s Aid 0808 2000 247 Men in the UK can contact ManKind Initiative In Australia: 1800Respect 1800 737 732 Men in Australia can contact One in Three Worldwide: The International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies
Most shelters allow for a safe place to live for both women and children. They are designed to offer safety and support while you get back on your feet, but your stay there will be for a limited amount of time. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Try to be specific with what you would like for them to do for you (such as let you stay with them, keep your “escape bag,” call the police for you if you give them a “code word,” etc. )
Having a credit card can help you establish or build credit (as long as you pay it off responsibly), which you may need for independent living after you leave.
Changes of clothing for you and any children Copies of important documents (birth certificates, passports, driver’s license, bank or credit card account information, paystubs, social security card(s), etc) Medications for you or your children Special personal items like photographs or jewelry Non-perishable snacks[7] X Research source
Whenever you are injured in an episode of violence, you should seek medical treatment in the emergency room and keep the records. This could be key to being awarded an order of protection, custody or your children, or a contested divorce. It is common for victims of abuse to be unsure of their sanity. Hours or days after a violent episode, they start wondering whether they have provoked partner’s aggression, whether this is their fault. Documenting all the dialogues with your boyfriend or husband, their and your actions in a diary will help retain a clear picture of everything that happened to you. Also, these records will come in handy if you need to replicate the experience in a police office.
You should also keep your vehicle ready to leave; park facing out so that you can drive away quickly. Keep your car fueled with gas so that you always have a nearly full tank. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
If you are going to stay with a friend or relative, try to choose someone who would not be immediately obvious to your abuser.
You do not have to leave a note or an explanation for why you are leaving. It is okay to just leave. If you do not have access to your own transportation, make arrangements to have someone pick you up. If you fear that you are in imminent danger, you can have the police pick you up and remove you from your home.
Consider getting a prepaid cell phone and having it packed in your emergency bag. This could allow you to make important calls related to your escape and safety without potentially leading your abuser to you. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Do not take these steps before you leave, as they could tip your abuser off as to the fact that you are going to leave, which could incite a violent reaction. If you use your own cell phone to create a false trail, be sure to discard it or abandon it before you get to where you are really going.
If you do go to stay with a friend or family, you should still consider reaching out to a victim support organization, which can direct you towards legal help, counseling, support groups, employment training, and financial support. [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
If your abuser shows up and begs you to come back home, do not go. At this point, the abuser will likely say anything to lure you back home, but you will not be safe if you go back.
You may have to sign paperwork saying that you will not disclose the location of a shelter before an organization will take you to the secret location.
If you have children, be sure to talk to them about keeping their home address confidential and not sharing it with your abuser or with strangers.
Some organizations help with immigration services for immigrant victims of domestic violence; don’t stay in an abusive situation because you fear deportation. You have the right to be free of violence even if you are an immigrant.
If you do not have money, you may still be able to get an attorney. Some attorneys will include a suit for fees from your abuser in the event of a court case in your favor. Some may also take your case “pro bono,” or as an act of charity.
After you file for your PPO, if it is approved, it will need to be legally served to your abuser, and you will need to file a proof of service with the court. Talk to the clerk at the courthouse about how to do this. Once you have a PPO, keep it with you at all times. If your abuser violates the terms of the PPO, you may need to show the PPO to the police. Be aware that a PPO does not guarantee your protection. [20] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source It makes it easier to have your abuser arrested in the event of further incidents, but a PPO is often not enough to keep a violent abuser away from you completely.
You will likely have a case against your abuser that has multiple levels (for example, you might file for divorce, sue for child custody, file for assault, and request a PPO). The complicated nature of these charges necessitates a lawyer.
